Lay me to sleep
by Moyashi Core
Summary: Allen and Kanda. They love each other. They live out their love... But what if something disturbs the romance they are sharing? What if...? Kanda/Allen ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

Lay me to sleep

Prologue

Muted footsteps could be heard. Almost a little clumsy. Probably it were rather small feet, that danced across the stone-cold floor, determined to make no noise. They were still heard, though, by the person who's bed and warmth, scent and tranquility were the aim of the person sneaking around. Before the steps were unerring, now they got rather hesitant, the nearer they came towards the door. Coming to a halt right before the wooden gate that separated him from his destination, the boy standing before it, laid his hands on it, before turning on his heels and taking three steps away from it. Only after that they turned around again and walked back to it.

A quiet knock but now answer came.

A second knock, but there was no answer to be heard.

The third time the boy knocked, though, the room's owner decided to invite his visitor inside his halls, shifting to the right a little so the person standing before their door had enough space. The reason he did that could not be seen, since it seemed that he hated the boy. It was because appearances are deceiving.

The owner waited for the boy to appear in his room, since the first time he 'danced' into his room and his bed, for he knew how he couldn't be near his 'Moyashi' any other way. His pride and society were against them, against a romantic relationship between two men. It was near the end of the eighteenth century and homosexuality was something to not speak about. Especially when you were an Exorcist. But he and his partner were homosexual. And they were in love with each other. Also the both of them knew they would live their lifes and love, for they did not want to put up with this game of hide and seek. Even if it sometimes was exciting.

But how should they go on any further?

During the day, they fought and avoided being in each other's presence, at least around others.

But when nightfall came around, or when they were alone, they longed to beat the other's side. They wanted to sink further into the pleasure of passion and love. They were willing to fight, if that meant being together. But they were not allowed to be together whenever they wanted, though.

Kanda never could tell his 'bean sprout' how he loved him, although he wanted to..

Allen never could tell his 'Bakanda' how much he loved him, although he wanted to.

They couldn't tell one another how they felt, simply because they faced a wall, when it came to their feelings.

One of them hid himself behind a wall of ignorance, arrogance and coldness.

The other hid behind a mask of joy, lovingness and warmth.

Thereby the latter should be able to at least confess a little of his feelings, however he failed, because he was scared. He was scared of being hurt. Not even an Akuma's attack would hurt like being left alone by his love.

"K-Kanda?"

The low and shy voice of Allen echoed in the room and warmed Kanda from the inside, as it laid itself around the swordsman's ears like warm water.

"Come here, bean sprout"

Allen smiled, although being called like that. At first he would protest being called 'bean sprout' and 'short stack' all the time, but as he and Kanda began dating, he would come to love the nickname, because only Kanda called him that. Only him, his beloved Kanda.

Again there were quiet footsteps to be heard. Again it seemed as if the person was dancing and again, just like it was every night, Allen hesitated as he stood before the bed.

The covers were lifted and with one gracious smile, which was unseen in the darkness, Kanda invited Allen into his bed, who in return, laid himself next to his lover and nestled against him with a sigh.

However something changed this night. This night Allen wanted to give in to his feeling. At least he wanted them to have a little bit of freedom this time. He gifted his lover with a gentle kiss to his lips smiling brightly at him.

"Thank you, Kanda." He whispered and kissed him again, softly.

Again the sound of Allen's voice made Kanda warm up from the inside. The feeling of those rosy lips, though, ignited an inferno inside Kanda's chest.

"Bean sprout..."

Fear lighted up in Allen's grey eyes, who's face was graced with the moon' light. Fear of what Kanda's reaction might be, he was scared of the wound it could possibly leave. But Kanda wasn't even near to rip out Allen's heart.

"Stupid bean sprout..."

A big hand laid itself on the cheeks of the smaller one, whose eyes were watering. A small line traced his face, which was kissed away by the navy haired youth.

It was just a small gesture, a loving gesture, which was followed by a loving kiss.

One kiss, then another that were followed by a lot more kisses.

Their lips were already swollen because of the many kisses they shared and still they smiled and drifted off to sleep, hugging each other tightly.

"Sweet dreams, _Allen_."

* * *

So. This is the first chapter. I will post a new chapter every two weeks, since I've already finished it and only have to read it through.

I'm still looking for a Beta for this fic, however, so lease PM me if you want to. It'd help a lot, since my English isn't the best.

Thanks for reading, hopefully you've enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

Ok. First let me tell you that I'm really sorry it took me so long to upload another chapter. Also I want to thank **ChaoticEquipoise** for betaing my story...! Thanks to her you are able to read this! So have fun!

Lay me to sleep

How those nights began

"Lavi? I've got a problem"

Immediately the redhead, soon-to-be bookman looked up from his book and gave his friend, who looked anything but healthy, a questioning look. To be a little more precise, Allen looked like he hadn't slept in weeks.

"Oh my God, Allen! What's wrong? You look like you haven't slept in weeks!"

And that was the problem.

"It is only the third day so far, but it's getting on my nerves."

Exhausted Allen let himself fall into the chair next to his friend. His insomnia wasn't pleasant or easy to ignore.

"Hmm... How about some herbal tea in the evenings? Or tell Komui you and Lenalee are getting married! I bet you'll sleep like a baby, after being tortured and chased by Komui-"

"Sorry. Forgot to laugh." Lavi raised an eyebrow in surprise. That was a dry and unusual answer for Allen.

Now Lavi began to get worried. Since when did Allen use such a sarcastic tone? And since when did Allen have the same attitude as Yu-chan?

"Hmm. We could also go and annoy Yu."

Lavi didn't receive much apart from a raised eyebrow and a deadly glare.

"I don't want to have to get my arm repaired by Komui again."

The painful memory of Komui's "treatment" (he himself had named it torture) came back and he began to doubt Lavi's state of mind. Maybe too many books weren't good for you either?

"Okay, okay. Calm down! Let's go get something to eat and then we'll search for a solution."

But downstairs in the cafeteria didn't look much better. Everyone stared at Allen, because he ate his food like it was some kind of poison. He was tired and irritable and above all he lusted to kill. However Lavi didn't care the least, he ignored it and pretended that Allen wasn't acting any differently.

"Oh, look! It's Yu-chan! Yu-chan, come sit with us!"

Allen rolled his eyes and wondered if the redhead would get to the point before Allen took his scarf and strangled him with it. All he really wanted were his bed, his pillows and his blanket. He just couldn't find enough peace to sleep, though. He always had this feeling like something important was missing. Lavi suggested taking him to a brothel on his seventeenth birthday, because Lavi thought Allen needed sex. But that wasn't the problem.

"Che. You're lucky there isn't any place left."

Kanda sat next to Allen. Kanda, who always smelled so good. However this time not even that exotic smell could lighten his mood.

"What crawled your ass up and died, bean sprout?"

"The name's Allen. How many times do I have to tell you? Bakanda!"

Muttering curses that would put a sailor to shame, Allen got up and stalked away.

Lavi and Kanda both were shocked.

"What's up with him, Baka Usagi?"

"Wow. I never thought Allen's insomnia would let aggression take over."

_Sleeping problems?_ Kanda thought and momentarily forgot about his soba noodles. The smaller one was never like that. Normally he was calm and polite. But this time he was more than just angry. The swordsman decided he'd go find a solution after he had some dinner. He loved his 'Moyashi', but he'd never admit it. But despite that he wanted Allen to be himself again.

Meanwhile Allen had retreated to his room and was playing with Timcampy. The golden golem was his current victim, even though he always listened to Allen's doubts and was the boy's main form of comfort. He'd surely angered Kanda with his words earlier so he was sure he'd be on a level lower in the samurai's opinion. Although Kanda even agreed to sit next to him! They could have talked and could get to know each other a little more or get a little nearer to the other, but no, his insomnia had hindered him. Allen sighed deeply.

"Why is everything so hard? Can't it be like it would be with a girl? In the end everything will be alright?"

Sadly, Allen knew that it wouldn't become "good," whatever it was between the two of them. It just couldn't! After all it always was about a prince and a princess. A boy and a girl. The princess was always threatened by an ugly monster and then the prince came and rescued her. But Kanda could neither be a prince nor an ugly monster. Kanda was Kanda... Besides who would be the princess in their bittersweet fairytale? It couldn't be him.

"Of course it'd be you! Who else could it be?"

He didn't know why, but there was Lavi's voice in his ear, answering the question.

So he really was the princess, when he played a role in a fairy tale? He was a guy and he didn't have long hair like Kanda. But Kanda was at least five times more manly than him.

"ARGH!"

With a dull thump, Timcampy finally hit the wall and fell to the ground before he rolled a few centimeters on the ground. "Oh Tim! I'm so sorry!" Immediately Allen ran to his golem and pressed him to is chest. "This is all Kanda's fault!" It was only Kanda. Kanda, Kanda and Kanda! Why couldn't he come to Allen, embrace and kiss him?

"Because life doesn't go out of its way to suit you and it isn't some sappy gay-fairytale."

This time, Allen had answered for himself. Today just wasn't his day! "Why can't there be a 'restart button' or something?"

I know that you had two other sentences here about Allen starting to monologue but you didn't really need them.

The sound of a sword hitting a hammer echoed through the cafeteria. He couldn't lose! It was all about honor, which he had endangered because of a stupid bet. If his opponent won he would have to share beds with the Moyashi for one night. On one hand he would win two things, but he couldn't let those things get in his way! No matter how much he loved his stupid Moyashi, he couldn't lose. Never! Why did he let himself get distracted? Allen's behavior had him deep in thought, which made him vulnerable.

They're still in the cafeteria, right?

The conditions were simple:

If Lavi lost he would have to be Kanda's slave for a week while wearing a pink dress. (At first Kanda wanted him to wear stilettos along with the dress, but he granted him "mercy".)

But if Kanda lost he had to sleep next to Allen to find out what caused his insomnia.

But suddenly his innocence was hitting a wall and he snapped back to reality a moment too late. Shit!

"You lost, Yu-chan!" Lavi was grinning from ear to ear.

"Why aren't you doing it yourself?"

"I'm sure you'll have more fun with him, Yu-chan. And when you know what causes his problems, you can become a little more intimate."

Lavi disappeared knowing that Kanda would fulfill his part of the bet, simply because it was Kanda!

There were two ways that things could end. Either he killed Allen, because he lost his nerve, or he would tie Allen to the bedpost and fuck his brains out, even if the Moyashi didn't want to! Kanda thought of those two options while standing in front of the boy's bedroom door.

Either way, it was bad. No matter how he looked at the situation. It was either killing the boy or raping him. But in the end the navy-haired male just shrugged it off. At least he would be able to release some of his own stress.

Still, it was Allen who had the worst cards in this game. Even if Komui chopped Kanda's head off for hurting one of his best exorcists, Allen was the one who would suffer the most. But then no one said when he was done he'd untie the kid. He might be seen for days…

But Kanda was getting lost in his thoughts again.

With an uneasy feeling in his stomach Kanda opened the door to the dark room and his eyes immediately found the boy's naked form.

_The moon cast its silver light onto Allen's body and Kanda thought this could only be a dream; otherwise he was looking at an angel .A creature from the heavens, kissed with utter beauty. He did not see the boy's left arm as an ugly flaw. It was part of his love's body and he found it just as roamed over Allen again and again. The white skin glowing mysteriously, hair like liquid silver. It seemed to be made of pure silk; soft. So unbelievably soft. The angel lay before him ,helpless and innocent. The blanket was draped loosely over the boy's narrow hips and offered a wonderful sight to the boy's sleeping form._

For the underlined part: He's now asleep? I thought he had insomnia. I think the word resting is more appropriate than sleeping because you can rest w/o sleeping.

His fingers already played with rosy nipples in his imagination. While his lips kissed a trail up and down the younger one's throat. He was so caught up in his dreams of creamy skin, that he didn't notice the distance between them growshorter and shorter. When he came back from his fantasy he could feel the warmth radiating from the others body.

Now the warrior was a wolf. A very hungry one. However, he still had his honor. He wouldn't behave like scum and jump Allen. He was above that.

Allen didn't notice when Kanda entered his room nor did he realize that Kanda was now bent over his seemingly sleeping form. He was too lost in thought. He was questioning _again _why he couldn't sleep. Also there were those thoughts about a certain person that didn't help the least. They made matters worse, since they always hurt him in ways he didn't think possible. He wondered why he hadn't gone to Kanda yet, taking Mugen and burying it in his own chest,because he was sure that couldn't hurt more than his head right now. But then he was sure Kanda would rather do it than let Allen touch his , the taste on his tongue wasn't the sweet taste of the strawberries he had eaten for dinner. He tasted the bittersweet taste of the pain of unrequited love. It was an immense pain that sent thousands of small icicles through his heart. "Tim... why? Why do I have to love somebody like him? He'll never love me the way I love him..." The boy sighed, hugging the golden golem close.

At first Kanda thought the he'd just leave the battle ground, wounded and ashamed, but that wasn't even an option for someone like him. He would find his opponent in love and kill him for stealing Allen's heart and hurting him! Then Allen would be his and his alone!

A shocked sound got Allen back to reality. Allen's glance was filled with fear and surprise. Kanda only smirked and set Mugen along with his shirt on a chair next to the bed.

"Roll over, Moyashi."


	3. Chapter 3

Lay me to sleep

It was just as the sun had started shining again.

Allen smiled serenely and walked through the Black Order's halls like the floor was made out of clouds. He seemed to be an angel; an ethereal creature that descended from the skies to grace those lowly humans with its mere presence.

Lavi thought it suspicious. How could Allen be that happy after having spent the night with Kanda? Maybe the navy-haired male hadn't been there in the first place and Allen finally figured out what bothered his sleep that much? The redhead was determined to find just that out. And maybe he could also get Kanda to be his slave for a little time, since he obviously must have lost the bet. Even if Lavi knew that Allen held feelings for the older Exorcist, it didn't mean Kanda returned them. It'd be a big step forward, though, if the Japanese would just accept them. But that wasn't to be happening any time soon now, was it? Kanda was the most stoic man Lavi had ever come across and he had traveled the world since his childhood.

"Yo, Allen-kun", Lavi greeted his smaller friend, who ignored him completely and instead turned around the corner to enter the cafeteria.

Maybe the Moyashi was just too hungry to talk to his friend? It sounded logical since Allen didn't have a proper meal these last days.

So he decided to follow Allen, but stopped in track, when he saw Allen stepping outside the cafeteria with more than just his mount of food on a little wagon, but Lavi really saw a portion of soba noodles along with the usual Indian food Allen normally ate and the sweets he so cherished. The only one in the whole order who ate soba noodles was Kanda - and no one else. Allen never ate those, since he didn't even know how. (Even if it would be funny to see Allen try to eat those noodles just like Crowley had done and so miserably failed.)

The redhead didn't know what to think about that, so he followed his little friend around to his room and peeked around the corner. He had the right angle so he could see the broad back of Kanda, who had tied his hair into a loose ponytail and was about to get dressed. Had he missed something? Lavi didn't know why Kanda was half naked in Allen's room, while the white haired boy brought him food and smiled so innocently and sweetly at him. He almost lost his temper, though, when he saw Kanda smirking at Allen in a somewhat dirty manner and Allen's blush. Did that bloody stuck-up deflower his cute, little brother, who was more innocent than he believed possible?

However Lavi was mistaken.

The gesture wasn't dirty, it was sadistic. And Allen's blush was from holding back the tears starting to well up in his grey eyes.

When Kanda lay down beside him this night Allen had felt like he was entering paradise. Kanda even wrapped him in his arms and held him close enough that Allen could feel his heartbeat. The navy-haired didn't say anything after that harsh "Roll over", but Allen felt utterly loved by his fellow Exorcist.

Kanda's warmth and his scent made Allen's heart skip a beat and he welcomed the feeling of it although hating it all along.

Upon hearing his name being whispered in the morning, he even felt happier for it was Kanda who said his name. Not one of the many nicknames he was being called but his true name.

"Allen, wake up."

He did it in an almost gentle manner. Kanda didn't know why but he had the urge to wake his little bean sprout and look into those adoring gray eyes of his. And so he did. Allen woke up and saw Kanda as the first thing in the morning without his harsh expressions or words the man looked peaceful. Peaceful enough to make Allen feel at ease and content.

"Good Morning", the younger one whispered tiredly. He felt relaxed for the first time in days.

At first Kanda wanted to pull the boy in his arms and kiss his brains out.

But he didn't, suddenly remembering the bet and that Allen probably didn't even love him. And he wouldn't embarrass himself by admitting his feelings for Allen without even knowing if they were returned. And even if they were; he couldn't be together with anyone - especially not with a boy like the Moyashi. Yes, he craved for him. Yes, he desired him to an extent where it hurt. Yes, every fantasy, be it small or big, was about the Moyashi surrendering to his every wish.

He couldn't show the boy more affection than he already had done.

"Sleep well?" the boy asked sweetly getting slightly agitated by the silence of the older man.

"As good as sleeping next to a short stack can be" Kanda snapped and got up fast.

He seated himself on a chair next to the boy's bed and 'discretely' as well as 'uninterested' watched the boy dress. Allen looked rather appetizing naked. His smallish frame was illuminated by the early sun's light that gave his skin a certain glow. Getting a little problem 'down there' Kanda ordered Allen to bring them some food since it was already midday.

Sadly Allen obeyed hoping the samurai would become a little friendlier with him. Maybe Kanda got irritated when hungry?

So Allen walked down and brought the food as requested. But his hopes were destroyed cruelly. Just a second before Allen had been smiling and happy but now he felt devastated. Kanda sat before him smirking sadistically and saying words Allen didn't want to hear.

"You truly are an idiot. I've lost a bet to the stupid rabid and was forced to sleep by your side so don't jump to any false conclusions. I don't like you and I won't do this again. As far as I am concerned I would get rid of you the moment we talk."

After the older male had finished his meal, he stood up to leave the room. His soba noodles forgotten, which then hit his back and burnt him. Outraged he wanted to punch Allen in the face but he only met a wooden door. He growled and wanted to break it open just to tear the Moyashi to shreds but then he realized what he had done now. He had hurt the little one. He had hurt _Allen_ without even thinking about what he actually said. And now he could hear cute, little Allen cry behind that door which pained him, too. His pride, however, prohibited him from breaking the door and apologizing to Allen. He couldn't go back from what he said. But maybe he could forget Allen now. Maybe Allen would free him from the spell the cursed boy cast on him. But all those 'maybes' wouldn't heal him.

So he left unaware of Lavi who had watched the whole scene without understanding what was said and misinterpreting the scene as a little fight lovers had once in a while, but determined to find out what it was about. So Kanda didn't know that he was about to suffer the hate of the one he loved to its' full extend and also the wrath of the Bookman's apprentice.

This night Allen couldn't find sleep just as he did all those previous night, except that one he had spent with Kanda. But for the other one it all just was a debt he owed Lavi. Lavi, his best friend had betrayed him. Allen couldn't believe it but he had to. And he had to go on. He promised Mana and himself.

"You know, Tim. Maybe I should go and look for someone else. Maybe I need a change? Maybe there is another person out there who can make my heart beat faster."

Allen wiped away his tears and smiled pathetically at his golden golem.

"Yeah. That sounds like a good idea. Do you think I should forgive Lavi? He couldn't have meant it in a bad way. I know that. He is a good friend, right?"

In spite of his words, Allen began to cry his heart clenching at the mere thought of his so-called-best-friend and his love interest taking bets on him.

When Allen got up the next day, he felt as if an Akuma had hit him right in the face. But he stayed strong, remembering the words General Cross had said to him somewhere in Spain.  
"You're only as strong as you want yourself to be. Don't submit to depression that easily, boy. I know you can be an idiot sometimes, but I know you're not meant to give up that easily."

It was on his 'birthday'. The day he and Mana set as his birthday, since Allen never had a real one but Mana wanted to celebrate that Allen was born. The white haired exorcist didn't know why Mana was so happy that Allen was born into this world, when Allen himself hated the fact he had to wake up every day as the boy he was. Cursed with that deformed arm. But Mana always told him that this arm of his was a blessing God bestowed him with and so Allen came to think of his arm as acceptable.

Then Mana died. Two times. The first time he was hit by coach. The second time it was Allen's arm that ended his short second life.

"I'm only as strong as I want myself to be!" Allen said as he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled brightly. When Kanda treated him like he was trash, then he might as well do the same to the older male.

"So, Tim, let's show him not to mess around with Allen Walker!"

As Allen walked into the cafeteria the same day, everyone looked at him with fear. He was surrounded by the same aura as Kanda always was and headed straight for the man. Without saying any word, Allen spun around Kanda and punched him in his face.

"You listen, Kanda? I won't forgive for what you've done to me and I will make you regret this."

He punched Kanda again before he simply went to Jerry to get his food. But Kanda wouldn't let him, he, too, spun the younger one around and was about to punch him in the face, but he just grabbed Allen by his arm and dragged him out of the cafeteria, leaving everyone not only shocked but scared for Allen's life.

Sooow... I don't know. I made the chapter a little longer than planned since I didn't update for soo long

So. Lemme get this straight:

There are two ways to go.

Either way Kanda and Allen get entangled in a sweet romance now and we save the drama and tragedy for later.

Or we dive into drama now and have the romance at the end.

I'll let you decide, since I like both ways to go and I want to write both (but I can't now, can I?)

Also... the first one to review get's a Oneshot with Allen and Kanda as an exclusive gift from me for having to wait for so long.

Thank you soo much for reading,

Moyashi Core~


End file.
